Today is the first day of February, and my first day of being unemployed. I am looking for jobs but it is tiring. Sometimes the job search makes me question myself. Knowing someone is so important, but my network is not really a fit for what I need now. Jobs that I applied for early in the search and felt qualified for, now feel like I was over reaching. Right now my dream job is anything for Barnes & Noble. Okay yes I would still like to work in a library but there isn’t a lot of funding out there right now for such jobs. I am applying all sorts of places but something near books would be the preference. Am I wasting my education (as some would say)? I don’t think so. I’ve learned a lot in my educational years. More than anything I have learned a lot about myself. Is that worth the price my parents paid? You would have to ask them, but maybe wait until after I have found a next job. I can’t go back and change it. I don’t believe in destiny. I don’t think I was meant to end up here. I think that if I had looked for different internships in the summer of 2008 things could have gone completely differently. Yet here I am. I am grateful for this path because it brought me to reconnect with Ben, seeing as I don’t believe in destiny I’m pretty excited at the prospect of spending the rest of my life with him instead of being a crazy lady with too many dogs (that might still happen just with him in tow). I try my hardest not to have regrets but that isn’t always easy. I’m scared. More than I admit most of the time. I developed a good facade of control while in undergrad. I think it is perfectly reasonable that I am afraid. I just keep going. I’m sure I could apply to jobs faster but one of the things I learned about myself was I have to set my own pace. I expect there are people that apply to as many jobs in a day as I do in a week. This is my pace. This is my balance. Personally I find it hard to set rhythms in my life so when I find one I can maintain I try not to argue with it. Sometimes I get frustrated because systems like LinkedIn want to pigeonhole me, I have to choose an industry for my profile but because of my transitory state I am looking at three or more different industries. I’m glad for the fact that I have other projects. I hope I can get some good things done while I am in limbo.
Most people in my life have never really had employment gaps or job searches so if you have any sage advice to offer let me know.